Things fall apart
My how time flies. No truer words have ever been spoken/typed. Well, they probably have, but for now I'll keep things simple and accept my statement. It really is amazing. For those people who don't have children, I think the passage of time is something you notice well after it has passed. You look back and wonder where all of the time went. When you have children, I believe you can actually see the passage of time. You can see how much someone or something can change in a year. I remember when my son went from being born, smiling, sitting up, scooting, standing, walking and talking, all in his first year of life. How miraculous that was for me. I could literally see the passage of time in his growth.
Now that I've gotten older, I've notice other things besides the deepening of my son's voice. I've seen my parents, aunts, uncles, siblings and cousins getting older. I have compared my wedding pictures to the latest pictures I have taken of my spouse and me. All I can say is "Wow, we were really good looking and we looked so young." Personally I think we are still kinda good looking. My husband has a salt colored goatee that I find extremely sexy. He's a bit self-conscous about it, but I love it. Even though I have more gray in my hair than he does (and he's 5 years older than me) it doesn't bother me. I'm quite fine with it. What I'm not too fine with is how long it takes to recuperate from an injury or a vigorous workout. How when I stretch in the morning it sounds like I'm making popcorn. Actually, you could call me Rice Krispies because I snap, crackle and pop. At one point, my husband experienced shingles and I had to deal with nummular dermatitis. Oh, I can't forget about my swollen ankles or my bursitis that flares up from time to time. Even with all of that and my back pains, I'm still doing pretty good. In fact, I'm doing awesomely! You want to know why? It's because I'm still alive. I am able to get around unassisted, exercise, cook, play with my son, photograph, whatever because I'm still alive.
I still have my mental faculties in tact (you may get a different answer if you ask my husband), aside from forgetting some things every now and again, which is as frustrating as trying to run uphill on ice. Even with these issues I know it can always be worse. Lately I've had several friends who have lost loved ones. Either their mother or father has passed away or has to be put in hospice. I've heard about two of my friends from college who just recently died within a week of each other. I've already had a few other friends pass away as well. I can also see my parents aging slowly but surely. Fortunately both of my parents are very active, but you never know what could happen or when.
All of this makes me think of my maternal grandfather and my paternal great uncle. My grandfather was either in his late 80s or early 90s when he passed and my uncle was about 107, I think. Both were very lonely because all of their friends had already died. Can you imagine not having any friends because they were all dead? I don't know about you, but it blows my mind. Even though I don't see or talk to my best friend everyday, I know she's still here. I haven't seen one of my brothers in a few years, but I have spoken to him and I know he's still in North Carolina. I have plenty of friends that I don't see or talk to on the regular, but I know they are still here among the living. What I need to do is get better at keeping in touch. How about you?
Hopefully this post hasn't bummed you out. What it has done for me is reminded me of my mortality. Perhaps it happens to many of us, if not all of us as we age. We get to a point and realize that we won't be here forever. And when you have children, it puts a new spin on it. My plan is to watch my son grow up, graduate college, become a successful entrepreneur, get married and have children. I want my son to be old enough where he and I can be friends. Right now our dynamic can only be mother and son, but I so look forward to the day that we can actually be friends. Things do fall apart, but that's a part of life. If you treat those things with care, you can repair them and extend their life. You can make them joyful and useful. You may even be able to make something new out of them. Just make sure you do something. Enjoy what you have now because it won't always be there. Figure out what is really important to you. Don't worry about what you don't have, because no one has ever been happy with that type of thinking. It's one thing to look forward to something and another thing to feel you can't be happy if you don't have that something.
If you have any thoughts on this post, I would love for you to share then with me. Or if you know of anyone whom you think may enjoy this post, please feel free to share it. As I like to say, sharing is caring, unless it's an STD or the flu, then you can keep that.
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