It's time for my annual, obligatory post | atlanta child photographer

August 16, 2017  •  Leave a Comment

If you have followed my blog for a few years or at least since last year, you'll know what time it is. It's anniversary time! It's my anniversary...anniversary. (as sung by Tony! Toni! Tone'!). Actually Monday was my 18th wedding anniversary. When I think about it, it makes me say wow. I have been happily married to the same person for 18 years. We've been together a little bit longer because we dated for 5 years before we even got married. That is a long time to go to bed and wake up with someone, but I'm not complaining. 

Now before I get started, I just want to say that I do NOT consider myself a marriage or relationship expert. The only relationship I am an expert on is my own and then sometimes that may be called into question. I can tell you what has worked for us and what may work for you. Take it however you like. I just hope you enjoy my blog and that it blesses you in some way.

When I first told you how long I've been married to my husband, I made sure to say that we are happily married. Some people may infer that just because we've been married for 18 years then we must be happy. Right? Wrong. There are so many couples who are happy and miserable. Why you ask? Here are a few reasons that I think this happens. And by no means am I judging these people. They have enough going on without me trying to figure out the flavor of their Kool-Aid. Some couples stay together for the children. That one was a no-brainer. That's been going on for decades. Another reason could be that perhaps one of them doesn't want to be alone. Loneliness or the fear of loneliness can be so powerful, where you would rather be miserable than lonely. Another reason could be that one of them is the bread winner of the house. So perhaps they fear not being able to take care of themselves. I'm sure there are probably others, but this post isn't about why people stay in unhappy marriages.

Now being in a happy marriage does not mean that either of us is happy all of the time. We're not. We're happy most of the time, but definitely not all of the time. It seems the longer we are married the more we learn about each other. Perhaps learn is the wrong word. I think we get to a point where some of the things that our spouses say aren't as funny or as cute as they once were. I remember him telling me some years ago that when we were dating, one of the things he loved most about me was my friendliness. Right now I think it's one of his least favorite. Ah well, my friendliness is not going to change because that's who I am. He's certainly not going to leave me over it, so I don't think it's a deal breaker. I used to think it was amusing and even cute when he used to offer to help me with things that I didn't necessarily need help with. Now I find that annoying because he's not helping me to help me, he's helping me to help him. I know that sounds odd, but it's true. I have an issue with my desk being particularly, how should I say....messy. It drives him crazy. He doesn't even have to see my mess unless he comes into my office. His version of cleaning my desk is by throwing everything away without even evaluating what's there. I must say that kind of irritates me, but I'm certainly not leaving him over that.

I don't know about anyone else, but we don't do big celebrations every year. We try to do something big every few years. Travel tends to slow down after you have children. We went to Belize in 2004 and our son arrived in 2005. Can you tell that was a really good vacation? Then in 2015 we went to Chicago.  I think we'll probably try to go somewhere in 2019 for our 20th, but I don't know where. This year we exchanged cards after our son went to school. Then we had a nice lunch at this Asian fusion restaurant in downtown Decatur called Green Ginger. Then we kind of lounged around, watched tv and cuddled. The rest of what we did is really none of your business. 

Oh, before I sign off, I would like to impart two bits of wisdom for your consumption. Try not to take yourself too seriously. Couples sometimes make silly demands of each other and it's at those times you have to pull back a little. Ask yourself, "Is what I'm asking reasonable? If he/she asked me the same thing, would I feel the same way?" Just try to be in each other's shoes sometimes before rushing to judgement. Sometimes you may find yourselves on the opposing end of a situation, conversation or the like. Realize that being right is not the goal. Being understood and respected is the goal. Sometimes being right just means being in agreement. But try to see each other's side and put forth a valid argument. Don't veer off and try to change the subject when you feel you're losing. That's called cheating. Face it like an adult and humble yourself if necessary. Just remember, you should be able to be vulnerable with your partner without fear. If you can't, then that's something you need to work on. We all can't be strong 24/7. So what better person to lean on than your partner in life?

Sorry for the long dissertation, but I can be a bit loquacious at times. Again, if you've followed me for any length of time, I'm sure you already know that. Well, take care and I hope to see you back next week. Feel free to tell your friends about my blog, website, photography...whatever makes you feel good. Because sharing is caring...and you know the rest.

 


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