He said what | atlanta child portrait photographer
Last week I was involved in a conversation on Facebook that I semi-regret. (I'm sure we have all been there.) Just to be clear, I don't regret anything I said, I just regret getting involved with it. But sometimes I just feel the need to say something when I see something so egregiously wrong. I understand that opinions aren't necessarily right or wrong, but the statement I was addressing was factually incorrect. Some may look at it as a perception issue, which I can see, but it basically wasn't true. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not there. I won't get into what the discussion was about because that's not what this post is about. It's about sexism. Funny thing is the post itself wasn't sexist, just some of the responses from others.
First of all, I do not consider myself a very good debater. The reason being is that I get revelations about conversations after they've happened that are deeper than what I conveyed during the actual conversation. The best part about Facebook is that I do have a chance to think about what I want to say and thoroughly weigh what has been said. So when I see a controversial post I do one of two things, depending on my mood. I either scroll past it because I feel that the statement that whoever made was just so ridiculous that I can't be bothered with it. Basically, I'm not in the mood to entertain what I consider to be nonsense. Or I respond because it's so ridiculous that it needs to be addressed and I happen to have the time and the desire to educate said foolishness. Of course, it's my opinion that I'm determining whether something is foolish or not, but it's also my prerogative to do so, just like anyone else.
Anyway, whenever I post a response to anyone's wall whom I differ with, I am very respectful of them and their opinion. I don't just barge in and say "You're wrong and here's why!" No one wants to read that. Besides, my mother always taught me to treat people like I want to be treated, so I do. Now I can't control how people will respond to me, but I can control my response back. At any rate, this one guy hops on the conversation. He totally disagrees with my point and that's fine. Actually, there were quite a few people who disagreed with me, but that is to be expected. To be fair, there were people who sided with me as well. He started getting sarcastic with me. I don't know this guy from Adam's house cat, but I wasn't going to just sit there and take it. So I did my best nice/nasty in responses to let him know I'm not the one to play with. I don't think he appreciated that too much, but I didn't really care. As my mother also used to say "Don't start none, won't be none." For those not familiar with that colloquialism, it simply means as long as you don't start any trouble, there won't be any trouble.
Well, he realized that I wasn't going to back down and it was getting late, so he decided to try to be cute and nice and end the conversation on a good note. After all of the back and forth the end of the conversation was fine with me. We all said goodnight and went back to our respective corners. Much later another person I actually knew decided he'd add his two cents to the conversation. Let's just say he's one of those "pot stirrers". He calls himself trying to give another person a synopsis of what happened during the whole conversation and decides to mention me. Awwww, come on! I just escaped that conversation and now he's trying to draw me back in! He basically said I and the other person I was textually sparring with may have made some hateful comments with a little bit of name calling thrown in. I couldn't just let him tell a bold-faced lie on me because I don't call people out of their names. I do not use hateful speech either. Sarcasm, yes. Hateful speech, no.
So I corrected him and he tried to then give his overall view as to what would improve the situation that we were talking about in the first place. I could have let it go and given him brownie points for trying, but this was too important of an issue to let him minimize it. In the best way I could I stated how he had minimized the issue and what actually needs to happen. He, of course, took offense to me calling him out. The sad thing is that the particular issues we were talking about don't necessarily affect him, so I don't know how he understands the problem or its solution better than I do. He called me argumentative. Whatever. (Insert eye roll). Then the other guy pops back on to make a few points. He then says that the conversation is going in a stupid direction or something to that effect and he wasn't going to participate anymore. He then stated that I was being emotional and that's why I wasn't listening to anything he said. No, I understood what he said. It's not my fault that he couldn't adequately defend his position or refute mine.
If you're wondering what I did, I did nothing. Why? Because I was tired of typing to people who weren't listening. And after I read those last statements by both men, I realized that what they said seemed a bit sexist to me. Just because I corrected his minimalization of a particular problem that affects me and not him, he believed that I was being argumentative. It's like I, as a woman, don't have the authority to do that. I could be wrong, but that's how it felt to me. I didn't dignify his answer with a response and definitely didn't apologize. I was not going to let him lessen my pain to make him feel better. And the second guy calling me emotional was a big tip-off. I gave him tit for tat and never once went below the belt. Perhaps he wasn't used to that. I don't know, but he said I was emotional. (Insert extra hard eye roll). He doesn't know me, so I can't be too offended. But I am a control freak. Emotions make your thinking cloudy and can cause you to lose control; therefore I don't let my emotions get in the way. Especially not when having a Facebook conversation with people who have no sway over me or my life. It's really not that deep.
I know this is a long post, but if you follow my blog that's my norm. I know I can be verbose, but I can't help it. I type like I talk, so this is me having a (one-sided) conversation with you. The moral of the story is do not let someone lessen your pain to make themselves feel better. When a man is talking to a woman and doesn't like what she says, he may say she's being emotional. It makes me think of when Sen. Kamala Harris was questioning AG Jeff Sessions and Jason Miller said she was being hysterical during her line of questioning. Really? Hysterical? And the fact that it seemed that her line of questioning kept being interrupted was annoying as well. I don't know about you, but I felt that was rather sexist behavior. Getting back to me being "emotional". I wasn't emotional, I just thoroughly believed what I was saying and I wasn't backing down. If that's what he was expecting, I suggest he look elsewhere.
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